Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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