Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
