This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
