What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
