Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
