Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize