I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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