I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
