member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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