I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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