I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
