They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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