watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
