Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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