Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
