she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
