It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
