I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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