the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
