my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
