You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
