My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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