if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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