marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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