I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
