The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
