I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
