The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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