What a fucking waste of an outfit
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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