I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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