White coat. Heels.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
