when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
