i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
