if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
