saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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