If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
