I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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