6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
