It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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