I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
