stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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