Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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