mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize