i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i think i have two assholes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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