i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
