About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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