My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
