I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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