I am spending my child support on dildos
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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