New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
