Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
