you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
