and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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