Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
