In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
