Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
