if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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