I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
