Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
