I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
