Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
do herpes really smell.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
