im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize