Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
