those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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