And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
