I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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