well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
